This is a part of a sermon series in the book of 1 Thessalonians. You can watch more here.
Introduction
Happy Father’s Day
Yes, it is Father’s Day. The second most important day on the entire calendar of all the days set
aside to celebrate parenthood. Have you ever noticed that Mother’s Day always seems to be such
a bigger deal than Father’s Day? I always sensed that, so I looked up some statistics. In the U.S,
$22.9 B is spent each year to celebrate Father’s Day. That seems to be a huge number, except
that $35.7 B is spent to celebrate Mother’s Day. The average American spends $196 on Father’s
Day and $274 on Mother’s Day. The Greeting Card Association reports that 90 million Father’s
Day cards are sold each year, compared to 133 million Mother’s Day cards.
I don’t know. We dads seem to be getting the short end of the stick here. And the disparity is
pretty much universal. Surveys in other cultures show a similar bias. I know I am guilty of it as
well. I always know that Mother’s Day is the second Sunday in May. When Pastor asked if I
wanted to teach on Father’s Day, I was thinking to myself, wait, is that in June or July?
It’s easy to see why there might be a bias towards mothers. They are usually the primary
caregiver and are often the ones who make greater sacrifices, such as carrying us for at least 9
months longer than our dads. But historically, the emphasis on motherhood often caused a
mistaken devaluation on the importance of fatherhood.
In the early 20 th century, research studies in the U.S. on child development consistently focused
on impact of mothers. The father was seen primarily as the financial provider and his effect on
child development was reported as “insignificant.” It wasn’t until the 1970’s that the tide started
to change. Research study after study began to reveal the importance of fatherhood
U.S. Dept of Health and Human Services, in their 2006 report, “Fathers and Their Impact on
Children’s Well-Being,” concluded:
"Even from birth, children who have an involved father are more likely to be emotionally secure,
be confident to explore their surroundings, and, as they grow older, have better social
connections.”
Studies show that children with involved dads are half as likely to drop out of school, are 40%
more likely to get good grades, are 1/5 th as likely to live in poverty and have significantly lower
rates of drinking, smoking, delinquency, early sexual activity, teen pregnancy, and incarceration.
Dr. Oliker, an expert on Child Development writes, “It is generally accepted, under most
circumstances, a father's presence and involvement can be as crucial to a child's healthy
development as is the mother's.” Dr. Gail Gross, a speaker and author on parenting and
education, states:
Your child's primary relationship with his or her father can affect all of your child's
relationships from birth to death, including those with friends, lovers, and spouses. Those
early patterns of interaction with father are the very patterns that will be projected
forward into all relationships…forever more: not only your child's intrinsic idea of who
she is as she relates to others, but also, the range of what your child considers acceptable
and loving.
Girls will look for men who hold the patterns of good old dad, for after all, they know
how "to do things." Therefore, if father was kind, loving, and gentle, they will reach for
those characteristics in men. Girls will look for, in others, what they have experienced
and become familiar with in childhood.
Boys, on the other hand, will model themselves after their fathers. They will look for their
father's approval in everything they do and copy those behaviors that they recognize as
both successful and familiar.
We would all agree, a good father makes a big difference in a child’s life. But the bigger question
is, what does it mean to be a good father?
Does it mean being a best friend to our children? Does it mean exerting the proper amount of
authority and discipline? Does it mean achieving success in our careers? If we look to our society
for direction regarding fatherhood, we would likely become quite confused.
Paul refers to fathers in his first letter to the Thessalonians. We are going to look at this passage
today, because it provides us guidance regarding the biblical model for fatherhood.
Before we do that, let’s start with a word of prayer.
The Example of a Father
For the sake of context, I am going to read 1 Thess 2:5-12, even though we will be focusing only
on the last few verses.
Read 1 Thessalonians 2:5–12 (NASB95) 5 For we never came with flattering speech, as you
know, nor with a pretext for greed—God is witness— 6 nor did we seek glory from men, either
from you or from others, even though as apostles of Christ we might have asserted our authority.
7 But we proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children.
8 Having so fond an affection for you, we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel
of God but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us. 9 For you recall,
brethren, our labor and hardship, how working night and day so as not to be a burden to any of
you, we proclaimed to you the gospel of God. 10 You are witnesses, and so is God, how devoutly
and uprightly and blamelessly we behaved toward you believers; 11 just as you know how we were
exhorting and encouraging and imploring each one of you as a father would his own children, 12
so that you would walk in a manner worthy of the God who calls you into His own kingdom and
glory.
It is fascinating how Paul uses the analogy of parenthood to describe his relationship to the
Thessalonians, and in effect, as a model for godly relationships in ministry. We can see why Paul
does this. If we want to paint a picture of nurturing love, what can be more universally relatable
than the image of a nursing mother tenderly caring for her child? If we want to provide a
snapshot of supportive guidance, what can be more widely recognized than the image of a
encouraging father lovingly instructing his child?
Paul tells the Thessalonians, my ministry to you is pleasing to God because it matches the
parent-child relationship. This means that seeing how he ministers to the Thessalonians should
give us an idea of what Paul thinks the parent-child relationship should look like. An analogy
inherently works both ways. The parent-child model helps to describe Paul’s ministry, which
means that his ministry informs us about the parent-child model.
Since today is Father’s Day, we are going to focus on the father side of the parent-child
relationship, referenced in verses 10 to 12.
Read 1 Thessalonians 2:10 10 You are witnesses, and so is God, how devoutly and uprightly and
blamelessly we behaved toward you believers;
Notice Paul’s boldness in this claim. You are witnesses, Thessalonians, of our conduct among
you. Paul is fully confident of his own integrity and is holding up his own life as a model to help
the Thessalonians walk in a manner worthy of God.
The three words Paul uses, devoutly and uprightly and blamelessly, are closely related, near
synonyms. But each word in Greek does have its own connotation. Devoutly is often used in the
context of our relationship to God, our dedication and single-mindedness in following God.
Uprightly is often used to describe how we are to deal with our neighbors – honestly and fairly.
Blamelessly refers to how we live our lives, that our ethics and morals are unreproachable before
the public. From all these perspectives, Paul says that his conduct is exemplary before the
Thessalonians.
But Paul is not only referring to outward appearance but also to genuine personal character. God
is also his witness. This is key in our own lives. Even if our friends and Christian brothers and
even our family members see us as devout and upright and blameless, that’s not worth a lot if
God does not think so. It is of first importance that God views our lives in that light, meaning
that we strive to be genuinely and internally devout, upright, and blameless, because God sees
our true selves. We are witnesses for God, but we are also examples for our children. Our
children should see us as we really are, and we should be worthy models for them.
I don’t know how many of you have seen the movie, “As Good As It Gets,” but there is a scene
in the movie where Jack Nicholson says to Helen Hunt, “You make me want to be a better man.”
I saw that and I thought, that’s a very meaningful thing to say, so I decided to try it on my wife.
So once, when the time was just right, I looked straight at my wife and said, “You make me want
to be a better man.” . . . and she rolled her eyes. Which, by the way, was not Helen Hunt’s
reaction in the movie. So maybe it doesn’t work with our spouses, but love for our kids, should
definitely make you and me want to be better men. Because who we are impacts who our kids
will become. We all know that they hear a limited amount of what we say to them, but they see
everything we do. Character is caught, not taught. We have an incredible opportunity to model
for our kids what it means to be genuine men of character, dedicated to following God. You
know, when we behave one way in church and another way at home, or we treat our wives one
way with company and another way by ourselves, our kids pick up on that right away. None of
our acts of hypocrisy ever slip by our children.
We exert such great influence on children. Whether through our concern or through our neglect,
whether through our acts of integrity or our acts of duplicity, we are going to influence our kids.
And if we have been negative role models so far, it’s never too late to ask God to change us. To
witness the Holy Spirit reshape our character and behavior right before our kids’ very eyes, will
have a tremendous impact on how they view and trust the power of God. Just realize that the
change has to be in how we live, not just in what we say.
Paul says he behaves devoutly, uprightly, and blamelessly before the Thessalonians. We should
also strive to live devoutly, uprightly and blamelessly before our children. Because how we live
impacts who they become.
There is a Christian song by Phillips Craig and Dean called “I Want to Be Just Like You.” I can
sing it for you, but believe me, that would not be pleasant. So I will read the lyrics instead.
He climbs in my lap for a goodnight hug
He calls me Dad and I call him Bub
With his faded old pillow, a bear named Pooh
He snuggles up close and says, "I want to be like you"
I tuck him in bed and I kiss him goodnight
Trippin' over the toys as I turn out the light
I whisper a prayer that someday he'll see
He's got a father in God 'cause he's seen Jesus in me
Lord, I want to be just like You
'Cause he wants to be just like me
Want to be a holy example
For his innocent eyes to see
Help me be a living Bible, Lord
That my little boy can read
I want to be just like You
Cause he wants to be like me
It is so important that we realize how much of fatherhood is about how we live as men. All the
instruction, which we will talk about next, is empty if we are not backing up our talk with our
walk. It is such a privilege and responsibility, that we are the models that God places before our
kids for them to emulate and to follow.
Not that proper instruction has no role. As we are going to see in the next section of our passage,
what we say do matter as well.
The Encouragement of a Father
Read 1 Thessalonians 2:11 11 just as you know how we were exhorting and encouraging and
imploring each one of you as a father would his own children,
Paul says to the Thessalonians, not only is our conduct devout, upright, and blameless before
you, we exhort, encourage, and implore you as a father would his own children.
It’s interesting when you look at the three verbs used by Paul in verse 11. Look at how the
different versions translate those words.
NASB: exhort encourage implore
ESV: exhort encourage charge
NIV: encourage comfort urge
NKJ: exhort comfort charge
When I first compared the translations, I remember thinking, that’s weird. These words are near
synonyms, but why does the word “encourage” appear as the first or the second word depending
on the translation? Translators never switch the ordering of a list of terms.
In general, words do not have a single meaning, they have a range of meanings, often referred to
as a semantic range. That’s true in all languages. This letter was originally written in Greek.
When you translate into English, you are never going to get an exact match between a Greek
word and an English word. The meaning might be close, but the semantic range is never going to
match exactly. So a translator has to make decisions as to which English word best match a
Greek word in meaning and connotation. The three Greek words in verse 11 have similar
meanings but different connotations. The first word has the sense of encouraging someone to do
something that is good to do. So you can see why the various translators chose the words exhort
or encourage. The second word has the connotation of encouraging someone who is discouraged
or grieving. So you can see why the translators chose the words comfort or encourage. The third
word has the sense of calling someone to some action. The translators use the words implore,
charge, or urge.
What’s interesting is that two out of the three verbs can be translated by the same word. The
connotations of both Greek words are within the semantic range of the English word encourage.
But of course, a translator can’t use the word encourage twice in a row. Thus, they also use the
words exhort and comfort.
In Paul’s eyes, a father’s words play a key role in the life of his children, and one important
function is encouragement – to encourage our children when they are ready for further progress
and to encourage our children when they are discouraged. Of course, discipline and correction
are also important functions of a father. Just as we see how Paul deal with the Galatians and the
Corinthians when they went astray. But notice the encouraging tone of 1 Thessalonians and the
majority of Paul’s other epistles. And notice the emphasis on encouragement in Paul’s analogy of
a father speaking to his children.
Notice something else about what Paul writes. He says to the Thessalonians that he is “exhorting
and encouraging and imploring each one of you as a father would his own children.” Each one of
you means he is not just preaching general words of encouragement and exhortation to the
congregation. Instead, he is providing personal attention and tailored support to each particular
individual.
Likewise, when we encourage our children, we have to know each child deeply. Know who he is
and what he feels and how he responds to our words. So that we can provide appropriate words
of encouragement that honestly reflect what we think and genuinely apply to who they are.
Random words of affirmation become cheap and meaningless. While truthful and sincere words
of affirmation from a loving father, can have a big effect on a child.
I remember when I was young in Taiwan. Once I had the chore of serving pineapple. Now when
you grow up in Taiwan, where you eat a lot of pineapple, you learn very quickly that each
pineapple has a sweet end and a sour end. I put pieces on plates for my siblings and me. And my
father said to me, “I noticed that you gave more of the sweet pieces to your brother and your
sister and kept more of the sour pieces for yourself. That’s good.” It never even occurred to me
that he was watching. But boy, was I beaming after he said that. And do you know what was the
effect of that simple comment? It made me want to be more selfless more often. Honest
affirmation from a loving father molds a child.
The Goal of a Father
Read 1 Thessalonians 2:12 12 so that you would walk in a manner worthy of the God who calls
you into His own kingdom and glory.
Paul says that he models exemplary behavior and he speaks words of encouragement so that the
Thessalonians would walk in a manner worthy of the God who calls them into His own kingdom
and glory. Paul often use walk to mean how one lives one’s life. Paul’s goal in ministry is that the
believers live lives worthy of God. What does that mean? God’s words tell us that we are to be
holy as our Heavenly Father is holy (Lev. 19:2 and 1 Pet. 1:15), meaning that in our lives, we
should strive to reflect God’s character of moral purity and loving compassion. Especially since
he is the God who calls us into his own kingdom and glory. We have been called into the holy
nation of God (1 Pet. 2:9). He is our king and we are his people. As ambassadors, our lives and
our conduct should be worthy of this heavenly kingdom and this glorious king. Because for
many unbelievers, we are the only representatives of this heavenly nation they will interact with
on a regular basis.
Likewise, as fathers, our goal for our children is that they would walk in a manner worthy of the
God. I remember my dad used to instruct us growing up. You are part of the Chou family. You
need to be mindful of how you live your lives. Because your actions and your words reflect on
the Chou family.
Well, we want our kids to be part of a greater family, God’s family. We want their lives to be
worthy of God’s family. As fathers, it is not enough that we be good examples and speak
encouragement to our kids. Our goal is that our lives and our words lead them towards God,
guide their development to become godly people.
My son played little league baseball while growing up and he was a good player. He fielded and
hit well and he was also a good pitcher. To help him improve, I would practice with him
regularly and I also hired a coach to help him develop his skills. Of course, I went with him to
every practice and every game to support him and cheer him on. My son, from a young age, had
the special ability to focus sharply and perform best during the most pivotal times. Some of my
most vivid memories are of how he excelled during critical innings and during playoff games.
I might sound like I am very proud of my son’s baseball experience, and I truly am. But I also
look back on the little league days with great regret. I feel that it was one of my greatest failures
as a father. One of those times which I wish I could take back and do differently.
Don’t get me wrong, I was super encouraging and supportive, being careful to avoid any
criticism or disapproval, always telling my son how well he is playing. And when he has a bad
game, I said that the important thing is that he tried and he played hard, that the results do not
matter, because it is just a game, played for fun. The thing is, my constant praise highlighted the
value I placed on his performance. My efforts to help him improve belied my words that it
wasn’t important how he played. My actions contradicted my statements that it was just a game
played for fun.
You know, kids are so sharp, they are so quick to detect elation and disappointment. And they are
built with an instinctive desire to please their dad. It pains me to think back and see that my son
tried hard to do well in baseball, because he instinctively realized that it pleased me when he
excelled. Through my reactions, I was teaching him to seek approval through personal
performance. I was communicating that my goal as a father is for him to play baseball well.
I have a close Christian friend who lives in Hawaii. His son is a very good tennis player. He
plays for one of the best high school tennis teams in Hawaii and is ranked in youth tennis in the
state. My friend is so proud of him and hired coaches for him and took him to tennis camps. And
then he realized that his desires to see his son excel is not godly or beneficial. So he placed a
self-imposed exile on himself with regards to his son’s tennis, becoming totally uninvolved in his
development, not going to any of his matches or tournaments, never asking him about how he
played. Difficult as it was to do, this change has been such a blessing to him and to his son. I
wish I had the wisdom and the willpower to do the same during my son’s little league years.
You know, the instinct to want to please a father is not inherently a bad thing. Because the desire
to please our heavenly father is what is best for us. But this inherent desire of our kids places
responsibility on us as fathers. Because so often, we are pleased by achievements that do not
matter, accolades that have no significance. And through these inclinations, we communicate that
achievement in sports or in school or in careers is what matters most. It is so easy for us to
idolize our kids’ success in any endeavor. We stray from God’s model of fatherhood when we
allow ourselves to go down that road.
As fathers, we need to ask ourselves, are we pleased with performance or are we pleased with
integrity and character? Are we pleased with achievements or are we pleased with love for God
and for people? Because God is not mainly concerned with what we do or how we excel. He is
primarily concerned with who we are and who we are becoming. The question for us is, as
fathers, do what we value and how we encourage align with the values and encouragements of
our heavenly Father? Because ultimately, what matters is who our children are becoming. So
let’s examine our own hearts. Let us orient our hearts to be in line with God’s heart. God loves us
regardless of what we do. God desires us to love him and to be like him. Likewise, let us love
our children consistently and unconditionally. Let us desire their character and spiritual
development.
And yet, we all know that regardless of how we live and what we say, we cannot determine how
our kids turn out. Neither faith nor character are hereditary traits. Each individual has to make his
or her own decision to follow Christ and to live in manner worthy of God. That is why there is
one more key thing we can do for our children.
Several times in this letter, Paul mentions his prayers for the Thessalonians (1:2, 2:13, 3:9-13,
5:23-24). We too should pray for our children continually. We should pray that the Holy Spirit
work in their lives, for the development of their character, for the growth of their faith, for the
conviction to follow Christ. So much of their lives are out of our control. Their circumstances,
their experiences, their peers all influence their development. But all these things are in God’s
control. As fathers, perhaps the most important thing we can do is to pray for the Holy Spirit’s
work in their lives. Because God is more powerful than all the temptations of youth, all the
effects of social media, all the influences of their friends. While our children may not be with us
every day, God hears our prayer every day. I want to be so consistent and so persistent in praying
for my kids, because I love them so very much.
Conclusion
We have been looking at how Paul ministered to the Thessalonians. So how did the people
respond to his ministry? Verse 3:8 mentions Timothy bringing news to Paul, that the
Thessalonians were always thinking kindly of them, longing to see them as they longed to see
the Thessalonians. This encouraged Paul tremendously, as the shepherd of these people.
Likewise, we want to remember to express love and appreciation to our fathers who have guided
our lives. Just as fatherhood is such a privilege for us, a good father is such a gift for a child. I
know that in our fallen world, all fathers are imperfect, and some fathers never take on the God-
given responsibilities of fatherhood. But I also know, for many of us, our fathers have been such
blessings in our lives.
I look back at my own life. My father has had a tremendous impact on me. Though he was not a
Christian while I was growing up. I saw first-hand how he lived his life, being a man of character
and integrity, treating people with honesty and generosity, loving my family genuinely and
sacrificially. I always wanted to grow up to be just like him. I found it to be such a compliment
whenever someone tells me, “You are so much like your dad.”
When I got to college and accepted Christ, I learned about my heavenly Father, how good he is
and how much he loves me. This was easy for me to understand and accept, because God had
already given me a glimpse of it through my earthly father. I am so thankful to God for the father
he blessed me with.
My father is getting old. He is slowing down, though he still thinks clearly. I am going to Taiwan
in July to celebrate his 90 th birthday. Some of you know that I am often away from Austin. About
four times a year I visit my parents and stay with them for several weeks each time. These trips
are not easy. It takes many hours to fly to Taiwan and the time change keeps getting harder as I
get older. Plus I have to leave my wife by herself while I am gone.
But I know how much it means to my dad for me to visit. How happy he always is to see me.
These aren’t exactly exciting overseas vacations. I spend my days there sitting with my dad
while he slowly takes his meals, hearing the stories he so love to tell, taking leisurely walks with
him around our neighborhood. The schedule is slow and subdued, and yet these are times I
treasure so very much. Spending time with him is the way I show my love and appreciation and
gratitude to my dad. I am thankful to God that I have these opportunities during the days of his
old age. I am also especially thankful that after decades of persistent prayer, both my parents
have accepted Christ.
As we have seen through Paul’s words, fatherhood is a wonderful privilege, but it is also a
challenging responsibility. It is not easy being a father. It involves many years of working hard,
making sacrifices, and depending on the Lord. Father’s Day is a good reminder, for me and for
many of you, to thank God and to express love and gratitude to our dads. I think it is only after I
became a father myself, that I realized how meaningful it is for my dad when I show that I love
and appreciate him. So for those of us who are able, let’s not waste this opportunity to express
our love and gratitude to our fathers.
Let us pray.
North Village Church
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