I am not necessarily looking to talk about a subject that is uncomfortable for everyone but an older man once said to me, “In the absence of saying nothing, people fill in their own answers.”
There was a season of life where I thought, “We don’t need to talk about this subject in mass communication do we?” Sure, we can talk about it at a Men’s Group here and there but not to the congregation at large, right? But in the absence of saying nothing, people fill in their own answers and that truth is more applicable today than ever.
First, let’s make sure we are all on the same page. Masturbation is the experience of sexual orgasm produced by self-stimulation. Virtually every man and woman has tried it in some capacity.
Second, this is a blog that we try to keep concise. Please don’t look at this article as the beginning and end of the conversation. Please search the Scriptures, wrestle with this subject and seek godly counsel in the process.
Third, the Bible doesn’t mention masturbation or self-gratification specifically. There are passages that some will reference like Genesis 38 and “spilling of the seed.” However, the sin of Onan is because he refuses to provide an heir for his deceased brother, not masturbation.
Another passage is Matthew 5 when Jesus speaks of cutting off your right hand if it causes you to sin. While there is a connection between lustful thoughts and masturbation, it isn’t likely Jesus had masturbation in mind specifically, therefore, there isn’t necessarily a specific verse for us to reference.
Fourth, we do know God created sex to be good. In Genesis 1-2 we see Adam and Eve were naked, unashamed and called by God to be fruitful and multiply to His glory. Our sexual desires were created to be good and glorifying to God.
However, in Genesis 3 our sin completely distorts what God created to be good but Jesus has come to reconcile us to God through faith and restore a biblical view of sex, which is designed by God to take place within the commitment of marriage between a man and a woman.
Therefore, how do we live in that restoration today? How do we experience healing in this area of our life? What does that healing look like practically? Here are some thoughts to consider:
1. What do we do with all those sexual desires? Sometimes we just think God created our arms, legs, head, torso and our genitals appeared there by accident. But God created our body parts to do what they do and feel what they feel, therefore, we must be asking, “How do we steward these sexual desires for His glory?”
2. What about pornography? The biggest challenge with masturbation is it is often associated with pornography. Any time we are dabbling in any type of sexual immorality we are wondering outside of God’s design of sex. 10-years ago people outside of Christ would have gloried in pornography but today, even people outside of Christ recognize the dangers of pornography.
3. Will the desire for masturbation go away when we are married? Although marriage is a gift, the gift of marriage won’t remove the temptation of masturbation because our sexual desires are ultimately desires for intimacy at the deepest part of our soul. Therefore, when our thoughts are wandering toward masturbation it might be because we are lonely, stressed, overwhelmed and masturbation might seem like a quick way to gratify those needs but ultimately, in those moments, our soul is longing for intimacy with our Creator and it would be better to see these desires as reminders that our soul is longing for something more.
4. If I am married, should I talk to my spouse about these desires? 1 Corinthians 7 teaches us that a wife doesn’t have the right over her body but her husband and her husband doesn’t have the right over his body but his wife, therefore, in marriage, masturbation is a conversation that would be great to take place between husband and wife and not something we want to keep in secret.
5. Isn’t this just a personal decision? Sometimes we might tell ourselves, “Well, I will just meet this sexual desire quickly, so I don’t get entangled in other desires.” Giving ourselves over to one fleshly desire isn’t the way to overcome other fleshly desires. Perhaps it would be better to confess those desires to Jesus and ask for His help? Perhaps Jesus can meet us in those desires in ways we could never imagine?
6. What if pornography and lust isn’t involved? It’s possible. But I am not sure God’s Word gives us a wide open door here. In that process we are still training our flesh. We are training our bodies to experience immediate gratification. There are chemicals being released in those moments and those chemicals create attachment, therefore, we want to be mindful that we aren’t simply giving ourselves over to our desires.
7. Is masturbation disgusting? It’s possible you have heard this subject discussed in a tone of the “worst thing possible.” Any desire to overcome the desires of the flesh should be seen equally. Our hope is that Jesus has come to cleanse us of our sin, we are indwelled by the Holy Spirit and empowered by the Spirit to live godly lives in Him.
8. What if masturbation is a pattern in my life that is out of control? The first step is to invite Jesus into this conversation through confession, repentance and forgiveness. In addition, it would be good to invite a friend or two into this conversation as well. 1 John teaches us to bring our offenses into the light so that we might find healing. Start there!
9. What about past memories that keep popping into our minds? Jesus has come to make us new. We aren’t made clean in Christ because we are physically or sexually pure. We are made clean through faith in Jesus. We are given new eyes, new minds, new thoughts. Ask Jesus to renew your mind in this area of life and remove those memories.
10. Are there any resources to consider? There are some great resources to consider. It’s possible you might feel overwhelmed and need immediate support. Please reach out to someone for help or contact one of these organizations. (1.) https://puredesire.org/ (2.) https://samsonsociety.com/ (3.) https://www.bebroken.org/
If you feel out of control in this area, you’re not alone. We live in a sexualized culture that can seek out any thought with a touch of a button. Our hope isn’t to physically overcome these desires on our own. Our hope is to find the greatest intimacy we could ever imagine in Christ.
Therefore, rejoice, the Spirit is already at work as you consider these things. Next, invite Jesus into this conversation. And then consider reaching out to a friend for encouragement as you explore, “What’s shaping your thoughts? What’s feeding your desires? How might you respond to these challenges in life in a different way?”
North Village Church
This article was written by Pastor Michael Dennis, Lead Pastor at North Village Church; a non-denominational church in Austin, TX, established in 2009 and built around Jesus and Bible teaching.
Are you looking for a church in Austin? At North Village Church we put Jesus at the center of our church family. We worship together every Sunday at 10:30am, encourage Christ centered fellowship through groups, and host special events such as Bible studies and Theological Training, to ensure that we are rooted in in God’s Word. We also serve our local community in association with several Austin based organizations.
North Village Church is made up of professionals, married couples, singles, and families who are wanting to experience the life-transforming power of Jesus. If you are a family with children or teens, we can support you with either or both our Kids Ministry and Youth Ministry.
Check out our North Village Church calendar highlights such as our Christmas Eve Service in Austin and Easter Sunday Service.
You are welcome to contact us if you would like more information, please call (512)-623-9272 or email [email protected]
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