My wife and I were married in 1999. Since then social media has been launched, dating apps and smartphones, so dating is a lot different today than it was in the 1900’s! Nevertheless, there are still some principles we have learned that still apply. Here are a some:
5 Things for Christians to Consider When Dating
- Right Person: Don’t worry about finding the right person. Instead focus on the type of person you want to find in marriage. We tend to spend more time trying to look for “hidden” signs about dating to see if this person is “the one.” Instead it would be more beneficial to get clear on the type of person we want to find in marriage.
- Beliefs: Look for alignment around theological beliefs. Relationships are hard. Why make relationships more difficult by mixing together different beliefs. If two people have similar theological beliefs about God, then it is going to increase the chances of a relationship making it through the pitfalls and challenges of life.
- Values: Look for alignment around character. Our character is the type of people we are when nobody’s around. Ideally you want to line up with someone who has a similar type of character. It just helps!
- Social alignment: It might sound shallow but having similar interests helps. Do opposites attract? Yes. But you don’t want to be completely the opposite on everything. If you are an outdoor person, then you probably wouldn’t want to pursue the type of person who always wants to stay home and read a book.
- Physical attraction: Again, it might sound shallow but you want to be physically attracted to the person. You want some electricity. You don’t want physical attraction to be the only thing you have but you also don’t want to overlook the importance of physical attraction with one another.
It’s possible that you might see these 5 areas as a consideration for something to think about in the future. But if you aren’t married, I would think about these things today and solidify these areas before you enter a dating relationship with anyone.
The heart is mysterious. The heart can get entangled in a relationship that makes it really difficult to think clearly, therefore, the more prepared you are on the front end of a relationship then the more likely you are to save yourself and someone else from a lot of difficult experiences.
It’s also possible that you might find dating discouraging. It can be. But take heart! The goal of life isn’t marriage. The purpose of life isn’t finding that someone “special.” The only person who can truly understand us is Jesus and Jesus is made available to anyone and everyone, therefore, enjoy the consideration of dating and marriage but the greatest gift a person can receive is Jesus.
Other things to think about
What is a date exactly?
A date is when two people of the opposite sex decide to spend time together. It is a time to encourage a person. It is a time to observe the type of person they are on the date. It is a time to laugh. It is a time to share a little bit of your life with someone else.
A date is not a time to tell a person you love them. A date is not a time to satisfy your physical needs or desires on someone else. A date is not a time to drive around and look at houses you are going to live in one day. A date is not a time to dump your emotional baggage on someone.
On a date you meet someone in person. You create a plan. You share a meal. Personally, I think the male should pay for the meal but generally, the one who asks should pay. The meal shouldn’t be overly expensive. At the end, the other person should say, “Thank you.”
On the date you don’t go to someone’s house to watch movies. You don’t cuddle. You don’t spoon. You don’t share horrible parts of your life where you cry. You share about your life. You encourage one another. You observe. You enjoy one another’s company. You go home.
You aren’t required to go on another date. You don’t have to call afterwards. You don’t have to give an evaluation of what went well and what didn’t go well. It is simply a date between two people who are sharing the story of God’s hand on their life to see if they have areas of affinity with one another.
It’s just a date. 20 years ago, I would have said the male should absolutely ask the female on a date but in the spirit of a date simply being a date then it would be great for a female to ask a male on a date. It’s just a date.
What is dating?
Dating is when two people of the opposite sex have gone on 5-6 dates and find that both of them line up areas of interest. Dating is when you have gone on 5-6 dates and the male declares his intentions and says, “I would like for us to start dating each other exclusively.”
Dating is for mature people. Dating is for people who know the type of person they are looking for in marriage. Dating is for people who have jobs. Dating is for people who are working toward goals. Dating is for people who are growing spiritually.
Dating is not for a young person who just wants to have fun with someone else’s heart. Our hearts and emotions are so fragile. Why would we give our heart and emotions to someone who was just going to wring it out so we can gain relationship experience? I would argue we create more pain for ourselves than we do progress, so why not wait until we are ready to take these steps.
Being ready for marriage means you are ready emotionally, theologically, mentally, socially, and financially to launch a relationship into marriage. If you aren’t ready to take those steps, then it would be better to use this time to get ready. Otherwise, we end up “playing house” with someone which is emotionally entangling our hearts to that person, and we don’t have any of the benefits that come from the commitment of marriage.
Some people will ignore this advice and like Solomon of old you will say to yourself, “That person looks good to me, bring her to me.” In our foolishness we will rush into a dating relationship before we are ready and when we do we are more likely to do damage to ourselves or someone else in the process.
North Village Church
This article was written by Pastor Michael Dennis, Lead Pastor at North Village Church; a non-denominational church in Austin, TX, established in 2009 and built around Jesus and Bible teaching.
Are you looking for a church in Austin? At North Village Church we put Jesus at the center of our church family. We worship together every Sunday at 10:30am, encourage Christ centered fellowship through groups, and host special events such as Bible studies and Theological Training, to ensure that we are rooted in in God’s Word. We also serve our local community in association with several Austin based organizations.
North Village Church is made up of professionals, married couples, singles, and families who are wanting to experience the life-transforming power of Jesus. If you are a family with children or teens, we can support you with either or both our Kids Ministry and Youth Ministry.
Check out our North Village Church calendar highlights such as our Christmas Eve Service in Austin and Easter Sunday Service.
You are welcome to contact us if you would like more information, please call (512)-623-9272 or email [email protected]
NVC Online
Unable to attend this Christian Church in Austin? Don’t worry, because, through God’s provision, we have created NVC online, an Online Church streaming a worship service every Sunday from 10:30am Central Time. You can also watch our short, powerful sermons on demand and follow us on Instagram for daily Christ centered content.
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